Oh, fuck off. If you think "people who break into other people's houses and murder them are bad" is some underrepresented viewpoint in our society, write it yourself. Chock it full of all the dog-whistle racism and aggrieved "BUT TEH BLAX DO IT TOO" white dipshit anger you're just itching to get off your chest. And… » 10/19/14 7:38pm Yesterday 7:38pm

How To Make Fried Mozzarella, Instead Of Getting It At A Crummy Bar

It's a perverse testament to fried mozzarella's greatness that even in its shittiest incarnations, even when it's just battered and deep-fried sticks of rubbery Polly-O string cheese prepared and served at your local dire corporate chain eatery with all the care and enthusiasm of a wino tumbling down a flight of… » 10/18/14 11:51am Saturday 11:51am

Hey, Where The Hell Is Bill Simmons's Friday NFL Picks Column?

Where in the damn hell is the Friday NFL picks column? Just where the hell is it? Don't come at me with this Barnwell skunkweed oregano shit, man. The suspension is over, man, I need that good Simmons shit, the freshest NFL picks weed. I pay my mortgage on Simmons picks! Jesus fucking Christ where are the… » 10/17/14 7:22pm Friday 7:22pm

Damn, Millennials, Pizza Hut Thinks You're Super Boring

Much of the content of this Washington Post report on the diverging fortunes of delivery pizza giants Domino's and Pizza Hut—the former is thriving, the latter not s'much—passes harmlessly overhead, as remote and incomprehensible as solar wind washing harmlessly over the Earth's magnetic field. Domino's has a… » 10/16/14 1:41pm Thursday 1:41pm

NPR: Ebola Might Make Chocolate Expensive (While Killing Lots Of People)

Yeesh. Lotta scary Ebola news these days. Between the situation in Africa seemingly spiraling beyond anyone's control, a botched containment job at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital, and exposed people breaking quarantine to go strolling around New Jersey, presumably barfing Ebola blood on school bus door handles,… » 10/15/14 1:26pm Wednesday 1:26pm

How To Braise A Big Chuck Roast, And Stave Off Scurvy, For Now

Living the life of a regular person—teetering indefinitely on the edge of total destitution, that is to say—you get familiar with the tension between the limits of your financial wherewithal and the ugh like totally selfish desire to not just eat pasta and plain rice and cereal all the time and get scurvy. » 10/11/14 2:48pm 10/11/14 2:48pm